Does the thought of going to a party, having to speak up in a meeting or even making a phone call make you feel terrible? Do you keep replaying social interactions in your head, reanalysing every word you said? If so, you may be experiencing social anxiety.
More than just shyness, social anxiety (or social phobia) is a persistent fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in social situations. It can feel isolating and can interfere with friendships, careers and quality of life. According to Beyond Blue, anxiety conditions affect 1 in 4 people in Australia and are treatable, so if you’re experiencing this, you are far from alone. Fortunately, social anxiety can benefit from treatments.
This guide will explore how you can work with it using effective, in-the-moment techniques combined with established therapeutic approaches.
Understanding the Engine of Social Anxiety
At its core, social anxiety is often driven by fear of social judgement. People with social anxiety often hold negative beliefs about themselves such as: ‘I am awkward, I have nothing interesting to say, people think I am stupid’. These beliefs can fuel a cycle:
- Anticipatory Anxiety: Before a social event, you worry about the various ways it could go wrong.
- In-Situation Anxiety: During the event, you may experience physical symptoms (blushing, sweating, shaking, racing pulse) and your attention turns inward to yourself and your perceived shortcomings. This self-focused attention can make it harder to be present and connect with others.
- Avoidance or Use of ‘Safety Behaviours’: To manage the anxiety, you may avoid social situations altogether or rely on safety behaviours (such as staying on your phone, drinking too much alcohol, or rehearsing sentences in your head) to feel less anxious.
- Post-Event Rumination: After the event, you replay your performance, examining every perceived mistake as evidence of your negative self-beliefs.
Over time, this cycle can maintain the anxiety. Avoidance prevents you from discovering that your fears may be unfounded, and safety behaviours prevent you from learning you can manage without them. Working with social anxiety involves gradually changing these patterns.
Practical Tips to Manage Social Anxiety in Daily Life
These strategies can help you manage anxiety in the moment and begin to shift the patterns that hold you back.
1. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
When you catch yourself thinking something like ‘Everyone thinks I’m boring’, question that thought. Ask yourself:
- What evidence do I have for this thought?
- What is the evidence against it?
- Is there a more balanced or realistic way to view this situation?
- What is the worst that could happen, and could I handle it?
This practice, called cognitive restructuring, can help weaken automatic negative thoughts.
2. Shift Your Focus Outward
Social anxiety often shifts your focus inward, making you acutely aware of your own heartbeat, thoughts, and perceived awkwardness. Try to actively turn your attention outward. Rather than thinking ‘What do they think of me?’ try to be curious about the other person.
Pay attention to what they are saying and observe your surroundings. Focus on the topic of conversation, not your performance in it. Focusing outwardly can often help self-consciousness to fade into the background.
3. Start Small With Gradual Exposure
If you’ve been avoiding social situations, a big party can feel overwhelming. Begin with smaller steps that take you slightly outside your comfort zone. This is known as gradual exposure. Make a ‘fear ladder’ (or hierarchy), listing feared situations from least to most challenging. Start with the bottom rung.
For example, if making phone calls feels difficult, begin by calling an automated service, then a business, then asking a friend a simple question, and gradually progress. With each step you may gain confidence and gather evidence to challenge your anxious predictions.
4. Reduce Reliance on Safety Behaviours
Safety behaviours can provide a temporary sense of security but often maintain anxiety over time. They prevent you from learning that you can handle situations without them. Identify your safety behaviours (e.g., staying in the corner, asking excessive questions to avoid talking about yourself, holding a drink). In your exposure practice, experiment with gradually letting them go, one at a time. You may find that the outcome you feared doesn’t happen.
5. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding
When anxiety spikes, grounding techniques can bring you back to the present moment. The 5-4-3-2-1 method can be helpful:
- Find five things you can see
- Name four things you can feel
- Acknowledge three things you can hear
- Name two things you can smell
- Recognise one thing you can taste
This simple activity can interrupt anxious thoughts by grounding you in your senses.
Therapeutic Approaches for Lasting Change
While self-help strategies can be useful, professional therapy offers the structure, guidance and expertise that can support deeper, more durable change. These are some well-recognised therapeutic approaches for social anxiety:
1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT is widely used and supported by research as a treatment approach for social anxiety. It’s a structured, focused therapy that addresses the thought and behaviour patterns that maintain the anxiety cycle. A meta-analysis published in ScienceDirect found that the benefits of CBT for social anxiety disorder were not only significant at the end of treatment, but continued to improve for at least 12 months after treatment ended, a strong indicator of its lasting value.
- Cognitive Component: Your therapist will help you identify the specific negative automatic thoughts and core beliefs that contribute to your social fear. You’ll learn techniques to examine, challenge and reframe these thoughts into more realistic and balanced ones.
- Behavioural Component: This is where exposure therapy comes in. With your therapist, you’ll develop a hierarchy of fears and gradually work through feared social situations in a structured, supported way. Through repeated exposure, your brain can learn to view social situations as less threatening, a process called habituation.
2. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT offers a different perspective. Rather than trying to eliminate or control anxious thoughts and feelings, ACT teaches you to make room for them while moving toward what genuinely matters to you.
- Acceptance: You learn to allow anxiety to be present without struggling against it. The goal is to recognise your thoughts without letting them control your actions.
- Defusion: You learn methods to ‘unhook’ from your thoughts so that you see them as mental events, not necessarily facts.
- Commitment to Values: Your therapist helps you identify what matters most to you and supports you in taking steps toward living in line with your values, even when anxiety is present. The focus shifts from feeling comfortable to living a meaningful life.
3. Social Skills Training
Some people with social anxiety may benefit from developing specific social skills. In some cases, social skills training can be part of therapy. This may involve learning and practising skills such as:
- How to initiate and maintain conversation
- Understanding and using non-verbal communication
- Being assertive
- Managing disagreements constructively
This type of training is often done through role-playing in the safety of the therapy session to build confidence for real-life situations.
Your Path to Social Freedom
You don’t have to let fear dictate your choices. If social anxiety has been limiting your life, professional support can help. At Laburnum Psychology, we’re an evidence-based psychology practice supporting people with anxiety in Australia. We can help you develop the tools and strategies to build confidence, deepen connections and live more fully. Contact us to find out how we can help you.
The information in this article is general in nature and is not a substitute for personalised advice from a qualified health professional.
