Feelings of grief are inevitable in life, and are a healthy reaction to the loss of someone or something important to you. When we experience drastic changes in our lives, we go through a process of mental and emotional adjustment. The grieving process is part of this and represents a process of adjustment to a significant loss.
The most common life event which induces a grief reaction is the death of a loved one, or the ending of a significant relationship. There are many other types of situations that can also cause a grief response, such as the loss of a job, a child moving out of home, or moving away from an area or community that you felt connected to. Additionally, grief can also occur in relation to the loss of potential, or the recognition that your life is not going to go in a direction that you had wanted.
Like everything in life, the experience of grief can vary significantly in its nature, duration and severity. Grief can be overwhelming and debilitating, and can impact across every area of a person’s life. Sometimes it can be hard to know how to grieve, or how to respond to our grief process. It’s common for people to resist it, but in fact, the most helpful way forward is to find ways to enable your grieving and to express the feelings, while also supporting and caring for yourself along the way.
In time, as people move through grief, the usual outcome is to arrive at a place where they are able to cope. They may carry a sense of sadness and loss into the future, but they are able to find peace alongside their loss. In some cases, grief can become more complicated and persistent. In these cases, it can be very helpful to seek input from a psychologist.
In the early stages following a loss, particularly a traumatic loss, you may experience shock. This may bring feelings of numbness and disconnection, disbelief and unreality, as your mind struggles to digest the major adjustment. At this stage of grief, it can feel very difficult to accept the reality of what has happened.
As you begin to process the reality of the loss, you may start to feel emotions such as sadness, despair, and hopelessness. You may feel like you are stuck, unable to feel any joy or happiness or hope for the future. You may find that the sense of loss is ever-present and that there is no relief. You may experience moments of emotional overwhelm and you may often find yourself crying.
You may experience feelings of anger or self-blame. This can reflect an internal struggle to understand the causes of the loss, or to attribute blame, be that toward yourself or others. Similarly, you may feel angry at the person you have lost. Sometimes people feel guilt or other regrets, for example, that they had not experienced a more positive relationship with a lost loved one.
You may feel a sense of fear for your future or feel incapable of managing under the changed circumstances. You may fear that you will never find peace and happiness in your future, or that you will never feel normal again.
You may experience health impacts, such as sleep disturbance. You may find it difficult to sleep, or conversely, you may be sleeping a lot, to escape pain. Similarly, you may experience changes in your appetite, which in turn may lead to physical health problems. You may experience physical exhaustion, or pain.
The grieving process can often look and feel very similar to depression, especially after a significant loss. However, there are some key factors which distinguish grief from depression.
The grief response often encompasses a variety of emotions, and it is even possible to experience moments of pleasure throughout a period of grieving. In contrast, depression is more commonly characterised by pervasive feelings of emptiness, despair and / or guilt. Depression can also encompass other symptoms which are not necessarily associated with the grief response.
You may feel that you have lost touch with your life and your sense of self, or that you are stuck in some sort of alternate reality. You may experience stress in your relationships. Many people find it difficult to be present or interested in day-to-day activities or conversations, leading to a sense of disconnection.
The stress of grief can also bring irritability and low frustration tolerance, leading you to be reactive or snappy with friends, loves ones, or colleagues. This can lead to withdrawal and isolation, which can in turn feel like further loss. For some people, grief can trigger a spiritual crisis, as they struggle to understand or accept that God has ‘allowed’ for this loss to occur.
Some people turn to diversionary behaviours in an effort to avoid or numb their pain. This can include over-use of alcohol or other substances. You may feel like your future doesn’t matter or that there is nothing left to live for. These feelings can lead some people to take risks without usual consideration for consequences
There is a wealth of research that has identified useful treatments that are of great assistance in treating grief. These treatments include Supportive Counselling, Social Support, Self-Care, Cognitive-behavioural Therapy (CBT), Focused Family Grief Therapy, and Complicated Grief Treatment.
At Laburnum Psychology, we have psychologists who are experienced and trained to assist people with their experiences of grief and loss. If you are experiencing grief and would like to seek some assistance, please feel very welcome to contact us.
If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or have self-harmed already, it is important you immediately reach out for assistance. We would encourage you to contact your GP, or one of the following 24-hour helplines:
If you or someone you know are at serious risk of harm, please call 000 as a matter of emergency.
Access to mental health care is highly valuable for those experiencing mental health concerns. it comes to specialised grief counselling, it is important to ensure that you seek the support that will best meet your needs. We have built a specialised team of psychologists and counsellors that enables us to match our clients with the right therapist for their needs.
We are also working hard to ensure that people outside of Melbourne can also easily access a grief counsellor or psychologist for grief. With Telehealth sessions, you can attend counselling services from the comfort of your own home, reducing the barriers to accessing support. Telehealth services are changing the way psychology services are delivered, reducing barriers and helping to fit into the broder context of your life and circumstances.
We are here to create a comfortable and supportive environment where we'll work to achieve the goals together
Feelings of grief and loss are an inevitable part of the human experience. While grief can bring overwhelming emotions, it can help to understand that this is a part of the normal adjustment response following significant loss and change. Nobody goes through life without experiencing loss and major change. It can be immensely helpful to understand healthy grieving processes, find the right supports, and to also know best to support ourselves through the journey.
The high quality and experienced team of psychologists at Laburnum Psychology offer a wide range of psychological services including grief counselling, family therapy, and a variety of therapeutic strategies for people who are experiencing difficulties with grief, loss, or major life adjustment.
Call us on 03 9877 9179 or complete the enquiry form below. One of our staff will personally be in touch with you.
Work with professionals who don’t just listen but support you through life’s challenges.
